'There is no try', says Yoda.
There's no halfway, give it your all.
I can't even count how many times I have said this to my daughters.
Trying isn't a negative for me right now. It's amazing. It's everything. I've tried so much lately...painfully and exhaustively. And trying when things are beyond challenging calls on me to dig deep. I can't "do", I can only try. In some circumstances I might be badass and confident in my trying, but in others I might be crawling through wet cement to take the first step. I think I'm under a spell sometimes, so hard is it for me to 'try'.
Presence is essential. Being present and aware for the effort transforms trying to 'my all' when it's done with intention.
Recently I went to a new class my yoga teacher put together, it's called 'The Practice'. Teacher practices with the students. Level 3.
Oh my GOD, humble pie. Level 3 is about twenty stories above Level 2. In this class I was reminded of exactly my level. HINT: it's not 3.
The class was hard as hell and super fast. I got stuck in my head. By about halfway through to my surprise, I felt tears welling up in my throat. What? I could not get them to go away. I wasn't even sure what they were about.
I stuck it out. Because you do. Because if I don't have a totally crap practice like that once in a while maybe I won't appreciate the off the charts amazing ones, or maybe I needed to be humbled. I don't know. I couldn't even analyze it, though it was revealing that I was still a mess at the end of the class.
It got me to thinking about trying and effort. About the importance of taking risks--small and large. About seeing my comfort zone and forcing myself out of it constantly...um, regularly anyway. About merging the experience of 'trying' with 'doing'. I felt so humbled and wrung out after that practice, shaky and sad. It was an awful feeling. But beyond that came the feeling of growth. Or maybe both of those feelings are growth.
A little while later my teacher and I had a talk that wandered into the topic of learning and trying coming from a totally different angle and she quoted Kung-Fu Panda 3 to me. She's seen it 3 times. I kind of love this...I mean, most yoga teachers would admit to having seen it once. She quoted Master Shi-Fu, a teacher in the movie. He says, "if you only do what you can do, you'll never be more than you are now." I'd say that's a solid argument for we who are merely trying. I want to be Yoda, sometimes. And if I keep trying maybe I'll get close(r).