How to Be Your Own Valentine.
I have a lot of anxiety. Maybe that is why I flipped my perspective on Valentine’s Day a long time ago. I used to always want something, I didn’t quite know what. I never got that thing, whatever it was. Plus I rarely had a Valentine. The day had a tight, artificial feel. I remember when a man dressed as cupid came to my sorority house in college. He sang ‘My Funny Valentine’ to one of my sorority sisters and the assembled crowd. The gesture fell flat…she was embarrassed.
Romance is super tough to get right.
Early on in my single parenting adventure, I wasn’t the best at self care. I drank too much, I whined too much and I fell decidedly short in self love. But as time went on, it became clear that no one was going to take care of me, so I’d have to figure it out. Learning that was empowering, and now even if I have a valentine in my life, I’m always my own valentine.
I was single while my kids were growing up and I always had a blast making valentines with them for their classrooms. It wasn’t that I was always happy being single; I definitely wasn’t. But attaching my sad feelings about being single to the world’s most romantic holiday was a recipe for despair.
I flipped my feelings of expectation and confusion (why does this day about love cause me pain?) into the energy of generosity and celebration. There is a constriction to expectancy. Generosity is about expansion.
What wasn’t working: Wanting to be honored in a specific way, or to be surprised or understood, to have my value played back to me.
What works: Giving Love. I remind the people in my life that I love them. Love is the most powerful energy in the universe, says Albert Einstein in a recently circulated letter. Love is a hell of a lot bigger than romance. Love is the energy that creates everything. Valentine’s Day produces so much beauty. The cards, the flowers, the abundance, the dinner and hotel specials. It’s a gushy rich mess of love and I drink that in! It’s juicy. It’s not just for lovers, it’s for love.
My prescription: Give it away. And be your own valentine.