Thoughts on Amber Heard and Johnny Depp.
Domestic violence makes me think of the 'Monks of New Skete' dog training book. In that book, I learned that every dog has a threshold. If you have ever stood holding your dog’s leash and said, “He never bites” you need to read that book. Everyone bites. Everyone bites if they are backed far enough into a corner. Relationships are a tapestry far too complex to fit into headlines and these days every headline is a lightning rod for violently opposing opinions. And so it is with this new story about celebrity domestic violence. Everyone has an opinion and everyone is Right.
If you have ever felt abused in a relationship you know that the central emotion you experience is not rage or a yearning for revenge. It is shame. Shame is a paralyzing emotion. It makes you weak at the knees, it takes your breath away. It takes your sense of your Self away and leaves worthlessness in its awful wake. Imagine a concrete blanket on top of you and that is the power of shame. Imagine being stoned out on pain pills because you just had oral surgery and someone tries to talk to you about what you are supposed to be making for dinner right now and six people are waiting at the table. That is how hard and how huge it is to motivate to respond to the sheer loss of power that shame confers.
If Amber has to file a public request for a TRO to get space, I find it impossible to even consider that such a strategy could come from a desire for revenge or money unless she is truly unwell. And if she is unwell, then thankfully she has the resources to get the help she needs and in the new space of freedom she probably will pursue healing. But in the now of now, a person who is hurting deserves the honors (rights) of peace and privacy first and foremost. Absent that (public eye) she deserves respect for being brave and having to live an awful chapter out loud.
When the days were dark for me I wasn't in the public eye, and Facebook wasn't around. Thank God.