The solution to your problems is never outside of you, unless you are waiting for an organ. ~Anne Lamott.
I used to think that if only my husband would do what I said, our lives would be happy. I was Mrs. Fixit and he was my main project. I was so wonderfully skilled at life; he only needed to open up to the brilliant guidance I had to offer about how he cooked, cleaned the kitchen, handled our children, managed his temper, schedule, reactions to family members and traffic.
God I was a genius.
Stunningly, he didn’t want to be guided by my pearls of wisdom. He is a human being with his own internal direction and that direction wasn’t named Shannon. We’re now divorced.
When you move into a new home, movers suggest that to ease the overwhelm you create a pocket of Zen. Unpack one corner and set it up. Get fresh flowers, turn on a lamp. Make a space in your new home yours, a respite for the senses you can retreat to for calm replenishing when you’re looking at box #32 from the kitchen.
Yes, I really did have that many kitchen boxes.
Creating a Zen corner works for unruly life and family issues too, though in those issues the Zen corner isn’t in the new living room…it’s inside you.
It is impossible to control others. More importantly, it is not your path. This is a tough one to swallow if you have a teenager who is partying and ignoring curfew, or a husband who drinks too much or lashes out at the kids. It was many years after I divorced that I really got this, deep in my soul.
Too many years. And he wasn't the last person I tried to fix.
For a long time I was righteous. I was right, they were wrong. I was the victim, they were unworthy. They blew it. I was the best wife/friend/whatever ever. Where did this righteousness get me? Long complaining conversations with girlfriends who validated me.
You'll not be surprised to read that this did not help me grow.
Growth came when I recognized that everything was forever changing and the only constant I have is me. The only person I can manage is me. The happier I am, the better I feel about everything and everyone. And happiness is an inside job.
Here's my Rx:
- A corner of Zen in the house.
- Guarding sleep like it's the sunken treasure.
- Same same with personal time. "No thank you" is a favorite phrase.
- Healthy meals.
Does this resonate? I know you want to feel more clear, calm, empowered.
I've created a quick start experience on this first day of Summer designed to arm you with all you need to reframe any summer challenge, including difficult family members, conflicting schedules, loss of self-care time, and rising irritation about everything. It includes a nourishing one-hour session with me, and a take home handbook with my best tips on reframing, resetting, replenishing, and cultivating JOY.
Having a mental toolkit of ways to get back to Calm is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Tools bring you out of overwhelm and reactivity and back into calm and creativity.
- Flip the script on your toughest control issues
- Cultivate the sense of a cool glass of water inside
- Transform overhwelm into EASE
I'd love to help you...let's do this! All the details are right here...I'm calling it Summer Zen.