The other night I wanted to watch an old movie. That usually means I’m stressed. I have seen ‘Legally Blonde’ five krillion times. I thought it was the usual…stress release. But my consciousness had a bigger message for me.
The movie I chose was ‘Bull Durham’. In this movie, Kevin Costner plays Crash Davis, an aging baseball player brought into a minor league franchise to teach some skills to a talented but somewhat brainless pitcher named Nuke LaLoosh, who is played by Tim Robbins.
The pitcher is described as having "A million dollar arm and a 5 cent head". Kevin’s character calls him ‘Meat’ as he mentors him in the ways of the game, training him to stop thinking for himself and to trust the greater wisdom. “Why’s he keep calling me ‘Meat’?” mutters Nuke as he shakes off the experienced catcher’s pitching signals, giving up hits and games, obsessed with his own perceived brilliance.
Eventually, Nuke starts to listen, and this transforms him as a player, setting him up to move up to the Majors. Releasing control to a picture he can't envision brings him the biggest dream imaginable.
I had to laugh, because this lesson is being tattooed on me repeatedly this year. Stop thinking. Allow. Get a bigger dream.
I’ve been going to weekly meditation classes based on the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza, and am currently reading his book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. The central thesis is that we have to overcome our habitual thinking, becoming bigger than our own lives and selves, to break and release the patterns that have held us captive. Genetics, trauma, self-created experiences, and a hyper focus on ‘reality’ have most of us walking around like hamsters in a Habitrail, unable to see that our own patterns are what restrict us from expansion.
Once you have peeled the curtain up on this, you have to keep going, to find the bliss that is your birthright. Hesitation about this is soul crushing, it is denying your dreams. We are so much bigger than these little meat selves.
A challenge with realizing bliss is that our worldly experiences, memories, genetic loading, and habits are a powerful costume to which we are accustomed. The very idea of changing how it’s always been can feel like anathema, rebellious, or spooky. But as long as we resist allowing a bigger vision we are simply sheeple, operating at a scale between ‘absolute misery’ and ‘reasonably happy’. That is not what life is about…life is about PURE JOY.
Recently I attended a live concert here in Bend, Pink Martini. It was a gorgeous summer night, the perfect temperature. My friends and I had excellent seats at the outdoor arena and were settled in to soak up a great show. As the band played the familiar opening chords of ‘Amado Mio’ I saw lead singer China Forbes sashay out onto the stage. Suddenly I could see the stage from HER perspective, and I knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling. I could feel the song rising up in me, as her. I could see the audience from the stage, and feel the musicians around me. their tension, their cues. I held perfectly still as this rush happened and just experienced it. I was watching the band, and I was the singer. At the same time.
Sacred creativity is what we all aspire to, it is the bliss that creats worlds. Throughout the concert that night Thomas Lauderdale and the other musicians in Pink Martini told stories about the origins of their music. Stories as simple as, "My upstairs neighbors were from Romania so I wrote a song about it." Or, "I wrote this as a lullaby for my baby son." Hundreds of people listened, rapt, as they described the humble tales behind their world famous music. My mind wandered to a line I’ve long loved from an Ellen Gilchrist book, “Whhyyyyy not?” They rode their ordinary life experiences to huge creative freedom and expanded living. So can we.
What is your dream? How big do you want it? If you are not feeling it in your bones right this minute, then you owe your dream the work of breaking the chains and releasing the binds that are keeping you out of alignment. Many tools exist to get us clear of our bullshit thinking and into clarity. Many tools. Designing a practice that can break you free is something you can do on your own, or you can find teachers and coaches to help. Having experientially busted it out on this for over two decades, I believe it takes help. It takes guidance, it takes witnessing. It takes work. Labor is an intense process, and at the end you have a human miracle. So it is with consciousness. Waking up to living in bliss is not an entirely blissful experience, but doing the work to shed the layers brings you into a brighter light than you can consciously imagine. Just do it.